


No Way Around

by toastbabeis



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst, Demons, Fluff, M/M, Oh also, a little bit of that, and magnus being a badass mofo, cute boyfriends, i love my angst, its definitely angsty, its gets resolved but, thats an important point, they split up, they truly love each other so dont worry, theyre on a mission
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-20
Updated: 2017-03-20
Packaged: 2018-10-08 07:05:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10381233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toastbabeis/pseuds/toastbabeis
Summary: Magnus and Alec are assigned to kill a demon terrorizing a mundane neighborhood, but once they split up, Alec is faced with a difficult decision. Both have dire consequences, so what is Alec willing to give up?





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everybody!!! 
> 
> This is the first fic I've ever written for Shadowhunters! Of course I had to make it angsty as hell and make it depressing. That's just how I roll. I really hope you enjoy this!!
> 
> My tumblr is 'doddario' so come and talk to me :)
> 
> Some minor trigger warnings:  
> Descriptions of violence, short discussion on suicide/depression

“You take the west corridor and I’ll take the east,” Magnus whispered, as to not bring any unwanted attention to the two of them. “If you need help, please call out. I don’t need you getting hurt for some heroic cause.”

Alec nodded and turned to give him a quick kiss goodbye, but froze in place when he came face to face with bright, gold eyes. 

It took Alec a few months to convince Magnus that his eyes were beautiful, glamoured or not. Whenever he got the chance, he memorized the flecks of black and amber in the iris, how an entire universe seemed to be captured in the confines of the black rim. When they were lounging around the loft, Magnus’ cat eyes felt like home to Alec. But in this moment, he could see the ferocity and passion behind them, making them almost unrecognizable. 

Alec breathed out slowly, relishing in the way his heart fluttered, and not because he was on his way to capture a demon that had been terrorizing a mundane neighborhood. 

He leaned forward and pressed his lips to Magnus’, who was failing to keep a straight face. Alec could feel him smiling into the kiss as they pulled apart. 

“I’ll be safe, I promise,” Alec said, his hand rubbing nervously around the belly of his bow. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” Before he disappeared around the corner, Magnus turned around and gave him a warm smile over his shoulder. He heard Magnus’ necklaces bounce against one another as he walked away.

Alec’s stomach filled with butterflies in response, those three words still impacting every fiber of his being. He shook his head to focus, several strands of hair falling into his face. 

He twisted on his heel to face the west corridor, his mind back on the mission. The demon had been stalking the area for a while now, according to the monitors back in the Institute. Why they only just now got word on the demonic activity Alec didn’t know, but he would be damned if he let it go on any longer.

His feet were light on the ground, every step careful and calculated as he moved through the hallway. One hand gripped the handle of the bow, while the other lightly grasped the nock of the arrow. His thumb absentmindedly rubbed against the smooth metal in an attempt to ground his thoughts and channel the emotions running through his veins into finding this demon.

He took in his surroundings—the somewhat dilapidated furniture must’ve been at least a few decades old, and the thick layer of dust drowning the lights and chairs made Alec think the house had been abandoned for quite some time now. Scraps of wallpaper littered the carpet, while the walls were covered in ornate frames, most of which seemed to be solely for decoration.

With every step on the short haired carpet, puffs of dust formed around Alec’s boots like water in a stream, before quickly settling back into the fibers. Every now and then, the lights lining the ceiling flickered and caused shadows from the furniture to dance around the compact space.

Each door he passed was bolted shut, the lavish handles not budging as Alec tried to force them. Whatever was behind the doors couldn’t get in or out, so he continued shaking every handle until he came across a door that was slightly ajar. He pressed his ear to the opening, waiting for any sound to alert of him of danger, but when all he was met with was a deafening silence, he poked his bow in and slowly pushed it open.

The room was no different than the corridor, except that the furniture was draped in white sheets to prevent any dust from accumulating on the polished surfaces. Alec eyed the white shapes, making sure none of them were alive and breathing before taking a few more tentative steps inside. 

A draft swept through the room, causing goosebumps to pop up on Alec’s arms. His entire body shivered from the sudden drop in temperature, and he could feel the demonic activity radiating through him. A closet on the right side of the room caught Alec’s eye; dust had recently been disturbed where the closets door was.   
He knocked his arrow into the shelf of his bow, his grip tightening as he stepped towards the closet door. Alec was slowly bringing his weapon of choice up to his face, when he heard the door handle slamming into the wall, causing the entire room to shake. He whipped around, his bow already in place and ready to shoot, when he was met with the sight of Magnus standing in the doorway.

Alec let out a huge sigh. “Magnus, you scared the life outta me,” he laughed, relaxing his back and putting his bow down to his side again. He turned back towards the closet to see if any demon had revealed itself during the noisy encounter, but the room was still empty. “Did you find anything?” he asked, bringing his attention back to his boyfriend’s strong frame filling up most of the doorway.

Magnus quickly nodded his head, his hands folded behind his back. He stood tall like a soldier, something Alec had never noticed on other missions. “Yes, I think I felt something in the northern corridor, but I came to get you first.” Magnus took a few steps towards Alec, his hands still hidden behind him.

Alec cocked his head in confusion. “I thought you were checking out the east corridor? Or are you just that fast?” He smirked at his own insinuation, but Magnus didn’t seem to find it amusing.

Magnus shook his head. “Oh, I’m sorry. I misspoke. I meant the east corridor,” he quickly said, his voice rigid. “Shall we go and see together?”

Alec’s brow furrowed at Magnus’ odd demeanor. He never passed a chance to rebuttal Alec’s innuendos, not to mention his hands were always at attention, ready for any demon attack. 

“Are you okay, Magnus?” Alec asked gently, taking a few steps towards him. 

Magnus nodded and gave a smile that disappeared as quickly as it came. “I’m fine, Alec. Let’s go before the demon moves,” he said as he turned away. His steps were loud on the hardwood.

“No, you’re not okay,” Alec said, grabbing one of Magnus’ hands that was tucked behind him. He twirled him so he was several inches away from his face, and Alec gasped in surprise.

“Magnus,” he whispered, bringing a thumb to stroke his cheekbone. His skin was cold to the touch, but that didn’t distract from what had caught Alec’s attention. “Why are your eyes glamoured?”

Where Magnus’ golden eyes normally stood strong, Alec was met with dark brown. Even with the minimal, dim light peeking through the blinds on the window, Alec knew something was wrong. Realization flashed across Magnus’ face. Instead of deglamouring like Alec believed he would, Magnus freed his hand from his grasp. 

“Magnus, what’s—” Alec began, but the air was quickly knocked out of him as he was grabbed his shoulders and thrown against the wall.

Alec had been tossed around by demons, vampires, and other shadowhunters, but nothing made his mind spin quite as much as seeing Magnus striding towards him, a smirk on his face Alec had never witnessed. He knew his fear and hurt was painted across his face, but Magnus’ wicked smirk didn’t falter. In fact, it only grew as he bent down to pick up the bow Alec must’ve dropped.

Alec rubbed the back of his head where it hit the sharp corner of the window sill. He felt a wet spot, recognizing the sign of blood even before he brought his hand back and saw it stained dark red. He could feel his arms and legs numbing, preventing him from standing up on his own. Before he could grasp the window sill to gain some balance, he was pushed roughly back against the ground, coming face to face with Magnus. 

“Magnus,” he choked out, tears dangerously close to falling. “What are you doing?” 

A laugh formed deep in Magnus’ gut and bubbled out as the tip of his bow pressed into Alec’s throat, the same sinister smile still being proudly worn.

Alec batted at the bow, trying desperately to gain his breath, but he began to grow weak. This only made press the bow harder against Alec’s skin, which he could feel beginning to cut into his skin. 

Alec stared up at Magnus, who was towering over his limp form. His dark eyes were sharp and certain, with no hints of guilt. Magnus wasn’t one to use brute force, normally opting for his magic. All at once, Alec was piecing it together. This wasn’t Magnus.

The realization and anger must’ve been evident on his face, because Magnus—or the demon—began shaking his head.

“But can you be sure?” Magnus asked, tilting his head to the side. 

Alec was sure. He knew this wasn’t the man he loved. His free hand went to his thigh holster where he kept his stele, and he squeezed the base several times before bringing his hand up as quickly as he could, ready to stab the demon standing over him. But he wasn’t fast enough.

Magnus knocked the stele out of his hand and closed his eyes, sighing deeply.

“You’re so sure in yourself, that you’re willing to kill me?” Magnus shook his head in disappointment. “Let’s say,” he began, “I wasn’t a demon. Let’s say I got caught up in some shady business, and your pretty head means my freedom and safety.”

Alec shut his eyes tightly, one hand still trying to loosen the bow cutting into his skin. His heart was beating out of his chest, the blood racing through his veins. He tried blocking out his surroundings to gather his thoughts, but he couldn’t focus. He knew this wasn’t Magnus. But what if he was wrong?

“What if I need to kill you to get myself out of trouble? If I don’t kill you, they’ll kill me. What if that’s the case?” Magnus narrowed his eyes. “Do you really want me to be killed, Alec?”

Alec violently shook his head, the blood from the gash warming his neck. He winced in pain and tightened his jaw, bracing his entire body for the situation before him. He knew all signs pointed to this being a demon. 

“You don’t want me to live, Alec?” 

But god, he couldn’t be sure. He couldn’t be sure this wasn’t Magnus. He couldn’t hurt Magnus. 

“You want to kill me, Alec?”

Alec cried out in pain, his mind screaming at him to get up and fight, while his heart ached for him to give up. He let his body go limp, his hand falling from he was trying to push the bow away. His legs fell slack against the floor with a soft thud. 

“Thank you for doing this for me, Alec.” 

Alec opened his eyes again to stare up at Magnus. 

He began to memorize Magnus’ face. How there was several colored tips of his hair obscuring his eyes that Alec longed to tuck behind his ear. His pronounced cupids bow that Alec traced in the mornings with his thumb before he was forced to get up and head back to the Institute. The slope of his cheekbones that perfectly caught every ray of sunlight, no matter if Magnus had adorned them with highlighter or not. All he wanted was to see Magnus’ warm, golden eyes—his home. But no matter how long he searched, all he found was an empty vessel staring back at him.

He knew this wasn’t Magnus. This wasn’t the man he loved, but he couldn’t hurt him. He couldn’t find the strength in himself. He was weak. 

Magnus smiled and leaned down so his lips were pressed against Alec’s ear. For a few moments, Alec savored the way his breath felt on his sensitive skin.

“I love you,” Magnus whispered. 

He stood up and removed the bow from Alec’s throat, the absence of the sharp nock allowing Alec to breathe once again. He brought one of his weak hands up to the delicate skin on his throat, feeling the hot blood dripping down to the neckline of his shirt. But even without the metal digging into his airway, Alec couldn’t control his breathing. 

He didn’t feel ready to leave this planet. He planned to marry Magnus, start a family with Magnus, and die in the presence of Magnus. But god, if he couldn’t have everything he wanted, at least he could be with the man he loved as he took his last breath. 

He took in Magnus’ features one last time, cherishing the calm look plastered on his face. Alec took a sharp breath as Magnus raised the bow up to his throat, the arrow already in position. Alec nodded his head and shut his eyes. 

Magnus would be happy. Magnus would be safe.

“Alexander!” 

Alec’s eyes burst open to the room filling with red sparks, magic pulsing through the room. His vision was blurry, making it almost impossible to focus on what was happening in front of him. The bright lights bouncing off the walls caused the room to spin even more, so Alec squeezed his eyes shut, as if it would shield him from harms way. 

Alec felt a burst of magic sweep through the room, followed by a loud, demonic screech. Footsteps walked towards him, and Alec flinched as they neared. He didn’t want to open his eyes, his mind still not caught up. All he could focus on was the blood dripping from his wounds, covering his skin and saturating his shirt. His head slowly began to droop, sharp pains being replaced by complete numbness. 

“Alexander.” 

************

Alec’s entire body felt heavy, each limb seemingly filled with sand. As he tried to stretch them out, the weight caused a strike of pain to run from his neck to his shoulder. He whimpered in anguish and clenched his jaw, bringing his arm back to his side where the pain felt somewhat subdued. Before he could attempt to move his other limbs, a wave of relief flowed through him.

It pulsed through his body, beginning inside his chest. The magic felt warm as it spread up towards his neck and down his legs. Once the wave reached his head, he let out a sigh of relief and felt his entire body relax. The tingles of pain were slowly being replaced with vibrations of heat, and as the magic was disappearing, he felt some his strength returning. 

He cracked open his eyes, the brightness from the lamp making him squint at the shape looking down at him. The light caught the tops of their cheekbones, and Alec immediately recognized it was Magnus. 

The events that transpired came rushing back to him, accompanied by a deep fear that Magnus was hurt, but as Alec’s eyes focused, he was greeted with rich, bright eyes. He felt himself smile in relief of knowing that this was Magnus. And he was sure of it.

Magnus stared back at him, his face staying completely neutral. Alec couldn’t quite place what Magnus was feeling—was he upset? Was he relieved? 

Alec wasn’t met with a smile, and much to his surprise, Magnus stood up and strode across the living room and into his room. Alec furrowed his brow and felt a gnawing deep in his chest. Wasn’t Magnus as relieved as he was to see him safe and okay?

“Magnus,” Alec called out, his voice scratchy and quiet. He brought a weak hand up to his throat, feeling the bandages that were expertly wrapped. When he was met with silence, he repeated himself as loudly as his voice would let him. For a few minutes, Magnus remained quiet. Then from the hallway, deliberate footsteps sounded and Magnus appeared, hurt showing evidently in his face.

“What’s wrong?” Alec asked gently as he sat up on the couch. His head filled with a dull throb, but he pushed the sensation away.

Magnus closed his eyes and breathed deeply, like he was trying to keep his anger under control. When he looked back at Alec, disappointment poured from every ounce of his being.

Magnus whispered under his breath while shaking his head slowly. Alec strained his ears to hear, but he couldn’t quite make out his words. He asked Magnus to repeat himself.

“How could you do that?”

Alec was taken aback. Maybe he wasn’t remembering what happened last night correctly. He racked his brain, trying to sort through his thoughts that were still significantly fuzzy.

“Do what?” he asked.

Magnus threw his arms up in exasperation, and scoffed. “It doesn’t matter,” he said, turning on his heel.

“Yes, it does matter. What did I do?” Alec asked, tears already forming in his eyes.

Alec took in Magnus’ form as he spun back towards him. His hair was disheveled, falling flat on his head instead of its normal spiked style. He no longer had any necklaces on, his chest looking somewhat bear with the absence. But covering his arms and chest was dried blood, and Alec’s heart began to quicken. 

“Did you get hurt?” Magnus shook his head, fire still evident in his eyes. “What happened then?” Alec prompted again. 

“You were almost killed!” Magnus yelled, his hands clenching at his sides.

“What?” Alec whispered, still not understanding why his boyfriend was so angry. 

Magnus groaned in irritation. “You almost died, Alec!” he shouted again. “You were faced with a shape-shifting demon and you sacrificed yourself! I walked in and saw you on the floor, shutting your eyes. Not even trying to get up or fight back. You gave up and you were gonna let that demon kill you.”

Alec froze, stunned. Anger was beginning to stream through him. How could Magnus think that’s what happened? Alec shook his head and swung his legs over the side of the couch. He winced at the stinging pain, but used all his strength to ignore the burning in his limbs. He grabbed onto the arm of the couch to steady his still shaking form, and leveled with Magnus. 

“What was I supposed to do?” Alec asked once he had gained some balance.

Magnus looked down at the ground, a few strands of hair falling in front of his eyes. “Alec, you’re a shadowhunter. You’re supposed to kill demons and you just gave up. What if I hadn’t come in? You would be dead!” His voice was rising, and with it rose Alec’s frustration. 

“I didn’t give up, Magnus,” Alec said, trying to steady his own voice.

“Then what do you call what you did? Did you think it was heroic? I told you to call me in if you needed help, but instead you almost killed yourself!” Magnus took a few more steps forwards. “You can’t do that to me!”

“It’s because it was you, Magnus!” Alec burst. He couldn’t contain his anger anymore. He felt his cheeks burning, his legs weakening as his emotions grew stronger.

“And?” Magnus prompted. 

“I couldn’t kill you!” Alec yelled. His breathing staggered as he became aware of the tears streaming down his cheek. “I know it was just a shape-shifter, but I couldn’t kill you. I couldn’t kill you,” he repeated under his breath. 

“Alec,” Magnus said firmly.

“I know, okay?” Alec quickly defended. “I’ve been faced with hundreds of shape-shifters, each of them posed as my family. I’ve killed Jace and Izzy more times than I can count.” He took a deep breath, releasing the tension from his hands. “But I couldn’t kill you, Magnus. I know that makes me weak, but I couldn’t hurt you.”

Alec collapsed back onto the couch and buried his face into his hands, the sobs causing his neck and back to cry out in pain. But he didn’t care. He openly welcomed the crippling ache as a distraction from disappointing Magnus. 

Magnus was silent for a few minutes, and the only sound in the room was Alec’s sobs. Every desperate attempt at controlling his cries failed. He didn’t want to hurt Magnus and that was the problem. He and Magnus had discussed it many times before, that he always so quickly threw his life away, but he didn’t think about the situation in that way. He just wanted to keep Magnus safe.

His tears faltered as he felt the couch dip next to him. Alec could feel Magnus watching him, and once he gained some control of his breathing, the words poured out.

“The demon didn’t have your eyes,” Alec whispered, the memories becoming vibrant in his mind. He shivered. “It kept telling me that I should die for your safety. And I just—” He paused, gathering his thoughts. “Magnus, I love you. You mean everything to me and I would do anything for your happiness. Even if that means sacrificing myself.” He nodded his head. “I couldn’t risk it.”

Alec knew Magnus had every right to be angry with him. He should have been stronger and done what needed to be done, but he didn’t. His weakness shone through once again, and this time it didn’t just impact him. It impacted the one person he didn’t want to disappoint. 

He lifted his head and turned his torso towards Magnus, the bandages around his neck preventing him to move freely.

Magnus was staring at his own hands, his fingers playing with the rings adorning them. Alec couldn’t tell what Magnus was feeling and guilt began to surge through his body. He shook his head at his own foolish acts and was about to leave and give Magnus some space, until he felt a hand lay gently on top of his.

When Magnus didn’t say anything again, Alec looked at their hands. He twisted his own so they could intertwine their fingers, which always perfectly fit. He became mesmerized as Magnus began rubbing circles into his hand.

“Please.” Magnus startled Alec out of his thoughts. “Don’t think for a second that your life is any less valuable than mine.” He looked back up to Alec, who was watching him intently. “I’m sorry for overreacting. I just get worried about you.”

Alec nodded, knowing the only reason they were fighting was because they cared so much about the other. Nothing in the world made Alec angrier than people harming Magnus, even if it was himself. 

Magnus brought Alec’s hand up to his lips and kissed each knuckle softly. 

“I love you, Alexander.” 

Alec’s heart warmed, the words just as powerful as Magnus’ magic. He leaned back against the back of the couch, bringing Magnus back with him so their shoulders barely brushed. Magnus turned his head so he was finally looking at Alec.

The amber flecks and black dots in Magnus’ eyes danced in the light, and with every slight movement, Alec found himself falling deeper and deeper. Relief overwhelmed him. This was what he was searching for all along. This was home. 

“I love you, too, Magnus.”


End file.
